It seems that we are often faced with choices that make us question everything we know. Everything that has been and what will be. It is hard to find solace or comfort in knowing we can't predict the future and that we need to live for today. Not living for the past of what we did well or that we failed at doing.
But I sit here faced with these immense decisions on my plate that I have to make and I don't know what to chose. It is draining, both emotionally and physically. I find myself awake at night, hardly sleeping, trying to figure out what I need to do.
There are not any troubles in my marriage and Oliver is fine, and I want to make that clear before people assume I am speaking of these things. But what I am speaking of affects my family and it's future. Our ability to grow and prosper or whither and be stunted in our growth. I don't want to jump to early but I don't want to be utterly miserable.
Being miserable sucks. It controls your life whether you want it to or not. You feel like things can't get better and that things are never going to change into something great. Like you are putting effort into something that will probably just fail.
I want to make the right decision, and I want to make it at the right time. And the time is coming soon. I want to know I made the right decision, but I will only know if I actually make a choice. But being so torn between wanting to know what could be and not wanting to know at the same time has me conflicted.
So pray for me, send positive thoughts, vibes or however you believe to send the right energy or direction for decisions. Send those my way. We have some big decisions to make in the next few weeks, months, etc... Let's just hope they turn out well.
-The Undercover Dad
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